Recovering

I have been out of commission for over a week.

A Flare.

It is unpredictable, life-altering and never the same. With my disability, the possibility of a flare is always around. The last flare sent me to the hospital in 2008 for a week. This flare was/is just as difficult, because it dried up everything about me. My kidneys weren't functioning well, my back and stomach cramped like a stampede running throughout my system and my fever hovered just high enough to send my equilibrium into a tail spin.

An auto-immune disease is like no other condition I have ever researched. It isn't always visible, but when it comes at the patient full-force, it is difficult for the outside observer not to see that something is very wrong.

Even typing on the keyboard at this moment is excruciating, like my joints are crumpled together and my muscles are fused to the bone.

In a strange way I am also grateful for the days that I am in poor health. These days are the ones when no outside observer questions my handicap parking pass, my need to take elevators, my pain prescriptions and my other necessary accommodations. Days when I do have a flare are easier to explain to colleagues and strangers rather than days when I look "healthy."

I wonder if this is true with other "non-visible" disabilities. Do they all have the challenge of explaining their accommodations when not in a flare compared to days when the disability is clearly at it's worst?